i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
