Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
