I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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