stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
