Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize