woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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