every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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