You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
