Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
