im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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