It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
