when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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