im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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