what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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