I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
