You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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