he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
