They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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