worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
