Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
