Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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