I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
