I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
