Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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