____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
honey bunches of taint.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
