hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
