youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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