Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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