I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
