Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
