Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
