dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
