Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize