My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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