I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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