is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
