He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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