All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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