I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
