She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
