Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
