Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my liver is dry heaving
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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