My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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