I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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