I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
