We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
