I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
