Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
