Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
