Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i out mim tonsoeep
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