the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm really busy with my period
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