I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I checked into jail on foursquare
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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