I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
