I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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