I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
