He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
