Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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