I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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