So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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