3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
