you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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