Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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