I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
