my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
