I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
