My nipple is on Facebook.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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