Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
