There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
