One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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