Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
