So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
